It will seem odd, to some who read this, that I consider it indulgent to speak of my emotions. It is the way I am constituted. I consider expressing my deep emotions to be an intrusion upon, or a potential burden to, others.
Certain important women in my life have tried (and some continue) to educate me that it is “normal” to feel and express emotions and one should do so without guilt toward others.
With my disclaimers out of the way, I feel very badly. My mother is in seemingly rapid decline and my sister is her sole support in all ways. Mom is 89 and is hospitalized with what appears to be a series of small strokes that have rendered her incapable of moving her body effectively. My sister is 64 and can no longer be her nurse at home while also earning her living as a real estate agent.
I am already anticipating mom’s death, although she may well continue as she is now for some time. I will travel the Twenty-four hours to visit her and my sister tomorrow.
I have vivid memories of sharing music with mom when I was in my youth. We used to listen together to Rachmaninov, Chopin, Richard Strauss and other romantic era composers. With dad it was Brahms, Bach, Beethoven.
I cannot write a eulogy because mom is still with us and lucid in those things she can remember.
As I have reminded her upon mother’s days and birthdays, she is the exemplar of the giver of unconditional love, the most important energy in the universe.
Artemis Helen Pagonis Pavellas, former orphan.
I will cry with my sister when I see her tomorrow.